My Spiritual teacher recently asked me to consider that it may not be helpful or entirely accurate to be so certain I am an Enneagram Type Five. While I have the utmost respect for the wisdom of my teacher, in this case, I disagree. Five years ago, when I began studying with Don Riso and Russ Hudson, experts and authors of several books about The Enneagram and the founders of The Enneagram Institute (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com), I was desperate to discover a key that could help me unlock the prison of my personality. I felt deeply withdrawn from everyone except my beloved and my closest friends, often finding it painful and almost impossible to interact in the world of people. In fact, even those closest to me will acknowledge there have been times when I seemed remote and inaccessible. Brenda, my life partner for the past twenty years, has often had to "come in to get me" as she puts it and (thankfully) she is quite good at it.

Discovering ones Type requires some dedication, however, and to reap the rewards of the insights that follow requires a willingness to leave no stone unturned, and as new insights are unearthed, the flexibility to be open to discovering one might not be the Type originally chosen. When I first began studying the Enneagram, I felt pretty sure I was Type Four. According to Riso/Hudson, Type Four is: "'The Individualist': The sensitive, withdrawn Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental" (For more details about Type Four, go to: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com). Well, I was certainly withdrawn, and I could be as expressive, self-absorbed and temperamental as anyone. Then, when I attended a Part I training at the Enneagram Institute, and Russ and Don went into a detailed discussion of each Type, I felt even more confused. I did in many ways have the issues of a Four, but in other ways, I identified more with the One, and even the Eight! After all, I am often judgmental and self-righteous and I can be really assertive and bossy. Even more confusing, I also enjoy a good time, like a Seven, and I am a loyal, trustworthy friend, like a Six. So, how is one to go about sifting through all this information to discover the deepest truth about one's Type? This is a journey. As it turns out, one of the most fulfilling and enlightening journeys of my life this time.

As I began to uncover more of what drives me, not just my actions, but also my deepest fears, desires and pain, a picture began to emerge. My lifelong habit of minimizing interactions with others and doing what was necessary to make sure I didn't "need" anything I couldn't provide for myself, and the pain these ingrained patterns had created became undeniable. My deep longing for meaningful connections, to feel like I had something of value to contribute rose to the surface. As I looked at the core issues of the Five I felt my heart begin to crack open.  What a profound gift to finally hear the Lost Childhood Message of the Five, "Your needs are not a problem."

It is true that each of us contain within us all Nine Types of the Enneagram. We will each manifest the habits and traits of the ego structures, and, hopefully, some of the freedom  of all the Types in our lifetime. However, if we can discover the core issues we came into this lifetime with by understanding and identifying our Enneatype, it can provide an enormous, deep and sustaining support for our spiritual journey.